Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
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